Saturday, September 24, 2016

Well this sucks {50/50 parenting. First night}




The kids have gone for the whole week, from today they are going to live half the time here
and half the time with their dad. They are sad and I am sad.
I feel pretty lost to be honest, am I still mum when I'm only a part time mum?
I've been trying to be positive about this but I'm feeling all the feelings tonight.


The house is still littered with all of their stuff,
but they are gone for the whole week.
I just can't get my head around it.


I have a bunch of good intentions about actually cooking proper food for myself.
Noodles and beans on toast probably don't constitute a complete diet.
It's just that I can't really see the point when it is just me here.



I know I'll get through this and it will be just another thing that we have
made peace with, but just for tonight, eeeek it's hard.

{insert tiny pity party here}

OK. That's that.
Let's do this thing.
Like a proper grownup. 

I don't have any alcohol,
but I do have ice cream.

Saturday, September 17, 2016

12 Things I learned while lying on the sofa....


I caught the cold that Annie has had for three weeks.
I've been dragging the child to work to lie on the sofa
and it's no wonder that the rest of us in the office caught it.
But finally the kids went to their dads;
and I actually couldn't drag myself out of bed and called into work sick.

Here's what I learned.....


1. Guess what? The world doesn't stop if you lie on the sofa for three days.
2. It doesn't matter how long it takes to do the chores, as long as they get done.
3. You can't be lonely if you have a dog curled up next to you.
 4. The cats however, will constantly nag for food.



5. It's ok to use the drier even if the sun is shining.
6. Toilet paper is the best thing ever for blowing your nose
(so soft. How come I never realised this before?)
7. Ice blocks are a food group.



8. Sitting at the sewing machine is therapeutic in short doses.
9. Pinterest really is inspiring.
10. A quilt and some rubbish tv actually does make you feel better.
11. The world doesn't end if you don't read your emails.
12. A good friend is one who comes and mows your lawns for you.



So there you have it.
Here's to a better week this week!

Monday, September 12, 2016

Searching for happiness.


Sometimes I feel like happiness is an elusive thing.
Something just around the next corner
or once the next hurdle is past.



But I'm starting to realise that happiness comes in all sorts of guises.
Happiness is trying something new.


Happiness is someone who listens when you say you love flowers
and buys you some.


Happiness is spring sunshine
and winter coats left hanging in the garage.


Happiness is wearing a pretty necklace on a difficult day.

Happiness is just there, it is about not worrying about what might be
and just enjoying what is, right now. 

Well that's what I think anyway.
I'm happy. How about you?

Wednesday, September 7, 2016

48


48
grey hair
comfy shoes
being afraid
doing it anyhow
finding my own style
laughter
working hard
loving life
letting the tears out
not hiding
being myself
colour
joy
grief
knowledge
hugs
pain
plans
dreams
being somebody.

Thursday, September 1, 2016

On being a bad mum....


Last night my friend Linda and I went to the movie, Bad Moms.
We laughed and laughed.
It was great. I mean it's cheesy, but who cares,
it's funny as can be and really so relatable.

I can truly say I'm one of those bad mums.

I make my kids do chores, lots and lots of chores.
I make them use public transport.
I make them be accountable for their actions.
I don't drop their lunches to school
or do their homework for them.



We eat junk food sometimes,
and we often leave our dishes on the bench for tomorrow.
The rubbish always needs taking out 
and the laundry is never ever caught up.


Right now, I could feed a sheep or two from my back lawn
and I have not touched the gardens since we moved in to the house.
We have a massive bucket of odd socks hiding behind the chair in the lounge
and there are dead flowers in at least three vases in the house.
The empty toilet rolls are having a party behind the toilet
and there is currently laundry festering in both the washing machine
and the dryer.


The pantry is pretty bare, but we can usually find money for a frozen coke,
we eat a lot of frozen mixed veges while we wait for spring.
We have three cats and a dog who rule the house,
and two chickens who rule the garden.
You have to dodge the dog poo and chicken shit when you walk outside.
Except on Saturdays when Reuben cleans it up.



But I can honestly say that our home is happy.
We enjoy each others company (except for when we don't)
and we don't always get on each other's last nerve.

We have a lot of laughs (usually at our own expense)
and we truly don't sweat the small stuff.

I don't know what a good measure of a good mum is,
but I feel when my 14 year old tells me he loves me,
I must be doing at least something right!!!!

Monday, August 29, 2016

Sometimes the smallest things take up the most room in your heart {winnie the pooh}


Don't ask me where I'll be in five years or what I'll be doing
because I have literally no idea.
If I could have seen where I am now five years ago,
I would have thought I was dreaming.


I just really like enjoying the small things where I am now.
It makes all the difference I find, when you notice good things
and don't focus on the negative.

Like the other morning when I parked my car and saw a rabbit
by this building. How come it lives in town?
What does it do here? What is it eating??
It made me happy to think about a family of rabbits living 
under an abandoned building!


Watching Annie learn to swim.
Honestly she is getting more fun out of this 
than any other thing my kids have done over the last 23 years.
It is unbelievable how happy it makes her
and what a highlight to our week it is.



Now that I have sorted out my work situation
I am LOVING being creative again. Even one row of knitting a day.
It feels so good to be making stuff again.

I'm not saying that I don't have bad days,
or that I don't feel negative sometimes,
but on the whole there are enough little good things sprinkled about
that you know your life is good.


For me, my life is about the little things,
the things other people don't catalogue,
but they are the things that make me truly happy.

I'm grateful. As Winnie the Pooh said...

Weeds are flowers, too, 

once you get to know them.




Thursday, August 25, 2016

Don't settle for comfortable....




Recently I asked a dear friend if they were happy, and they told me they were comfortable! I felt so sad for them because I believe they are short changing themselves. Life is so much more than comfortable. There is so much possibility for us outside of our comfort zones. I'm going to lie, the last two years have been far from comfortable and also far far away from any kind of comfort zone.

Yes I am single, yes my kids live between two houses, yes my budget is f***** but I am loving being responsible for my life. I love that I make myself do things that scare me.


Every time I face a problem head on, I learn a little bit more. Yes I make mistakes, but I pick myself up and carry on. Yes I'm lonely sometimes, but it is making me be more of a social creature!

The thing is that when I was living in my comfort zone, the thought of changing it was crippling. I didn't think I would survive the upheaval to our lives. I did not know how it would be possible to be happy. But it turns out that turning your life upside down, while not fun, is really worth it in the end. I think it is always a good decision to decide to grow in whatever area of your life you feel like you want to.


whether it is your house (why don't you shift?) your relationship (can you fix it? or change it) your education (you are never too old) your fitness (baby steps) you have the power to make the decisions to change it. You just have to be brave enough to actually do it.

Annie drew this picture of a little girl thinking about going to the stars. I now have it as a tattoo because I want to remind myself to keep doing things that scare me, to reach for what seems unattainable and to not settle for just being comfortable!!